Progress choosing between alternatives

It is another Valentine’s Day that I’ve spent by myself but I’m more used to it than last year when I was in a downward spiral, it is also what would’ve been our sixth wedding anniversary but we didn’t make it that far. The nasal sprays the doctor gave me have helped with my mold allergies also the yoga techiques for headaches. While the affirmations have helped to counter the negative attitudes that I was sabotaging myself with.

Now that I have recovered enough to be able to make some of the choices of where my life is going I’ve made some progress on determining which of the 3 alternatives is worth the most to try for.




That brings me to the point of it does make a lot more sense to move onto the next phase since the alternative of just doing nothing is way too boring because there aren’t enough things to distract myself with to take up all of the time.

Having something to strive for like the treasure hunt DVD, the video game and movie illustrating the Integral Life Practice and going through those practices myself makes a lot more sense at this point.

I wasn’t able to get much help in getting an objective perspective from a therapist since the Butte County office had their funding cut and only had group therapy 1 day a week. Trying to get a different interpretation of the symbolism that I wanted with all the distractions and dilutions of other people in the group’s problems wasn’t worth the effort or all the time it would take.




What did help me make a decision was that I sent Krys a birthday card with a YouTube video attached to it of the Michael Jackson song Remember the Time. Krys sent me a reply with a Xena video that had the Dido song Hunter in it. Those 2 videos were a pretty clear example of symbolism that typified the different perspectives and stages of development that we were at and there hadn’t been any change in the past year.

Remember the Time is a song from the second person perspective that uses “we” 20 times and “us” 2 times in the lyrics. While Hunter is from the first person perspective and uses “I” 9 times and “me” 6 times in the lyrics so one is about sharing a possible relationship and the other is about seeking to untangle for a life of solitude.

With those fundamental differences it seems most likely that even if I did follow the symbolism in the Soulmates in Peril video that we would still have the same problems no matter where we lived so it wouldn’t be worth the effort since the Essential Ingredient wasn’t there.




So that pretty much answers the question I was trying to figure out about whether the odds of trying to recapture the Essential Ingredient that had once been established were better than the odds of starting fresh and getting the Essential Ingredient with someone that had never had it before. It seems that it would be easier to form a stronger new bond than repair one that had been broken.

That brings up the part about the law of attraction since like attracts like there has been a similarity in the kinds of gals that have been expressed an interest in me that is the myth of the hero in shining armor that needed to rescue them.

Even though that is an aspect of my character, maybe by connecting with gals at that level it sets up problems with trying to move beyond it to other stages that includes more aspects of my whole personality.

So then the question becomes is that the only type of gal that would be attracted to me are the ones with problems they need to be rescued from and all the baggage that goes with it? Or can I learn to grow out of that pattern of behavior to be able to attract gals at other stages that have more stable personalities?




Would those type of gals be interested in me and would they think it was worth the Essential Ingredient? If I was able to illustrate the concepts of the Integral Life Practice to be easily grasped and go the practices with them to have a solid foundation so that they would understand what was involved then they would be more likely to be attracted enough to build a strong bond that included the Essential Ingredient.

At least that is more progress in figuring out ways to bring the Impossible Dream that I was contemplating last year into the realm of the possible if the correct methods were used. That only makes it a matter of the odds of if I had enough skill and resources to be able to make those methods work. Which makes a substantial improvement since even though the odds at still high against it they are greatly reduced since there are feasible plans that make them at least workable.