Thursday, February 14, 2008

Paradoxes of broken perspectives

This is the first Valentine's Day in years I've spent alone and it's sort of ironic since a couple years ago we had planned to renew our vows at the beach on our 5 year wedding anniversary. Now that it's here, that's not going to happen since we didn't even make it that far to rewnew anything.

Over Xmas when I was down in San Luis Obispo, I did go to the spot on the beach directly below the balcony where we got married and tried to meditate. I reflected on where we started 5 years ago and where we were now. It was a paradox that the values we seemed to agree on before had changed so radically.

I used my camcorder to capture our wedding vows from the videotape played from the TV it was the easiest way to get it on YouTube even if it wasn't the best quality. The main thing is that it shows what we had both agreed to. Since we had written the vows ourselves and planned the ceremony to be one of our choosing, you would've thought that it would be something that we believed in together and not just following along with a formal tradition

I know at least I was sincere and tried to fulfull all of those vows. The only one I'm not sure I fulfilled was how strong I was, but we both promised to share in the relationship equally and work together as partners towards our goals. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I'm wondering if it was because we had different ideas on what they were.

I was listening to The One, Two, Three of God and it describes the differences between 1st person, 2nd person and 3rd person perspectives. Maybe the reasons why it seemed like the values we agreed on in our vows were different was because we didn't view them in the same way.

A more fundamental paradox has to do with negative self image. She never thought she was good looking no matter what I or anyone else told her, she always thought it was from ulterior motives like guys were horny or I was biased, nothing could convince her otherwise that she was right. I never thought I was good looking either, but I was willing to accpet her opinion that I was since I figured it more important that she thought so and I could admit that I was wrong and her opinion counted more than mine.

I'm not sure if that has to do with 1st and 2nd person perspectives since the only opinion that mattered to her was hers and the opinion that mattered more to me was hers. The thing is now that she's obviously changed her opinion of me, what does that say? Her opinion of herself is still consistent, but was mine wrong before and now right that I shouldn't have depended on her opinion?

The other thing is that by her holding onto a negative opinion of herself no matter what does that make her only accept losing Life Scripts? Does being able to consider I was wrong about my negative opinion mean I'm able to change a winning one and a more positive self image? Now that she changed her opinion (or was lying about it the whole time) does that mean I was right all along about my negative opinion?

Those perspectives don't seem to lead anywhere by themselves so something must be missing from them. So they seem to be fractured perspectives that need to be balanced by including more from all three perspectives. I suppose the only way out of the paradox is to transcend and include the opinions from the 1st, 2nd and 3rd person perspectives to resolve them and get a satisfactory answer.

For example Bridget Jones thought that the values that Mark Darcy had were intolerable until she was in a prison in the Philipines and from what the girls there told of the treatment they recieved from their boyfriends, Bridget found that she was exagerating her problems

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Current TV is New and Improved

I guess winning the Emmy allowed Current TV to hire better people and more funding to update the web page. I got an email inviting me to submit a VCAM for another T-Mobile commercial since I had done one before and I was very impressed with the vast improvements in the submission process. I didn't have any problems with it at all and didn't have to jump through all those annoying hoops with VideoEgg like I did the last time.

Hopefully I'll have better luck with this one and T-Mobile will accept it. So far it ooks like their is a lot less competition with very few people submitted VCAM, that's most likely why they were sending emails to get more people involved.

I do think my skills have improved since I did the others and this commercial is a lot tighter than the last one since I didn't try to do too much and kept it at exactly 30 sec, hit the features they wanted advertised with legible text and simplified the soundtrack to only the essentials. I supposed I'll find out when it's voted on and if I hear from T-Mobile whether or not they'll pay for it.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Another attempt at a video blog

I went down to Riverbend Park to get some more inspiration for the next chapter of An Angel's Destiny while I was down there I thought I could try and do a more sophisticated version of a video log to show some of the methods I use to get ideas.

To help with focusing my thoughts, I tried listening to the CD of The One, Two, Three of God and it assisted me to look at the 1st, 2nd and 3rd person perspectives in order to get a wider view of what I was trying to get across.

Relaxing my mind and trying deep breathing excersizes while watch the DVD of the chakra meditation aided me in concentrating on what I want the story to tell.

For the next chapter I should pick up the next morning in the Days Inn Motel. Chris could be taking a shower when Minerva wakes up. She asks him why he didn’t tried to get physical with her after it seemed they were getting so close at the Boardwalk.

He could tell her that he thought the rule was that he had to do something heroic before he was allowed to take that reward. Minerva could tell him that if he was going to go by that, then the way he brought her there with the particle beam would certainly qualify as a heroic accomplishment. Chris would agree that it was groundbreaking since it had never been done before in history.

But from what she had told him of her desire to go beyond that since she was tired of that kind of thing from the life she had known, so he had assumed that she wouldn’t want him to take the same advantage of her. Minerva could say that she had gotten hints that he was after more than that and she could tell somehow he was different from the run of the mill hero that was only out to satisfy his own lust by all the help he was giving her to get back to her Guardian Angel job.

Chris could say that was part of the problem that he was afraid of starting an intimate relationship when she was just going to be leaving as soon as she could. It wasn’t worth giving in to such a precious thing only to lose it.

Chris could be losing his resolve and about to give in to the temptation of her charms when there is a knock on the motel room door with the maid service wanting to clean the room. That stops Chris since it was too close to check out time to continue.

In order for Minerva to get used to tapping into her powers in different ways Chris thinks of the examples from the Boardwalk and thinks of practicing Zen Bowling. He takes her to the Boardwalk Bowl and has her practice closing her eyes and visualizing the pins then the ball knocking them all down. It helps her get in tune with her rhythms and flow with her subconscious relaxed so her senses don’t get in the way.

After practicing a while they go to lunch at the Dolphin restaurant out on the wharf and talk about better ways to contact Odin. Chris gets the idea of going to the Kiva Retreat House to use the hot tubs there since he’s noticed that Minerva tends to relax more in them. There they can practice Kundalini Yoga to energize her charkas that will provide enough to be able to contact Odin.

Chris guides Minerva through the deep breathing and focus on her charkas to build up the prana she needs to connect with Odin. Once contact is made, Odin tells her that he is pleased with the progress she has made with learning how to handle herself in different environments and how to tap into her powers in different ways.

Odin reminds Minerva that it’s not only the people she helps that have to grow it’s herself as well. When she asks about her assignments Odin tells her, that she can commit to fulfilling the one she is on or take on the next where she has to help Erin James start a revolution against a corporate government gone too far. (It's Universe 7817 Sequel: #5 on the plot summary for details) Maybe I should have Odin give Minerva a book about the history and practices of the CSA and why itis important that Erin James gets help in her struggles against it. That way Chris can find the impact Minerva could have and help her in her understanding of the consequences to that society.

Chris will be torn between wanting her for himself and recognizing she has a duty to help a greater number of people. He'll try to put her needs above his with a selfless act to convince her to take the other assignment.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Expanding my capabilites

I was able to get a small digital camcorder so I can take original footage. I did a test of a video log down at the river next to the salmon hatchery to try it out.

I'm going to have to get a lot better in front of the camera if I'm going to do some more of these, but it could help me a lot with the way I express myself and how I communicate if I practice more.

It does give more dimensions to my blog in addition to the animation, videos others have done, images, links to web pages and diagrams I have been using to get my points across. I have had trouble actually writing more personal stuff so maybe if I can say into the camera then it'll get across better with my tone, expressions and body language.

The camera has limited features, good for the price, but not really suited anything professional. Once I get used to it, I probably can do a lot more with it, when I get the hang of adapting methods of composition and the best positions to put it in for the best angles.

Hopefully if I work out all the details of the shots with storyboards, then I can tell better stories when combined with animation and compositied shots, like HappySlip does in her videos. I could do a story that has me with Promicin abilities where stuff comes out of VR into RL and people interact with it.

That would be cool to be able to put together videos like that, since it would probably sell more DVD than The Writer's Nightmare. Which I'm having trouble with getting it on CreateSpace. I sent the master copy of the DVD to them on 12/21/07 and UPS delivered it on 12/24/07. I guess that wasn't the best time to do it the day before Xmas. I had to wait until 1/14/08 to find out that something had happened to it and they couldn't read the DVD to produce the proof copy.

Either UPS screwed it up with other holiday packages falling or spilling on it or the shipping/recieving department at CreateSpace damaged it during an Xmas party. Or they just lost it completely and forgot about it then just gave me that excuse that it had been messed up when they got it.

What pisses me off is that I had to wait that long to find out about it and only after emailing them a few times to be told of the problem. If they couldn't read it, then they should've told me a lot sooner that I needed to send them another master copy.

But it will probably work out for the best because since I have to send them another DVD anyway, I'm taking the chance to fix all the flaws in the other one. I've went through and added time to the parts where the text is on the screen so people can read it easier. I fixed some minor glitches with the comic balloons and some typos in the text. That ought to make it a better DVD, but I think it's going to have to be a two disc set now since it's too long for one DVD now.

That does make it easier to have it in episodes now though since I have the time to put the menus I was planning with iDVD now that the semester has started and I can use the Mac Lab again. I can put 18 episodes on the first and 17 on the second with the promo footage also.