Paradoxes of broken perspectives

This is the first Valentine's Day in years I've spent alone and it's sort of ironic since a couple years ago we had planned to renew our vows at the beach on our 5 year wedding anniversary. Now that it's here, that's not going to happen since we didn't even make it that far to rewnew anything.

Over Xmas when I was down in San Luis Obispo, I did go to the spot on the beach directly below the balcony where we got married and tried to meditate. I reflected on where we started 5 years ago and where we were now. It was a paradox that the values we seemed to agree on before had changed so radically.



I used my camcorder to capture our wedding vows from the videotape played from the TV it was the easiest way to get it on YouTube even if it wasn't the best quality. The main thing is that it shows what we had both agreed to. Since we had written the vows ourselves and planned the ceremony to be one of our choosing, you would've thought that it would be something that we believed in together and not just following along with a formal tradition

I know at least I was sincere and tried to fulfull all of those vows. The only one I'm not sure I fulfilled was how strong I was, but we both promised to share in the relationship equally and work together as partners towards our goals. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I'm wondering if it was because we had different ideas on what they were.

I was listening to The One, Two, Three of God and it describes the differences between 1st person, 2nd person and 3rd person perspectives. Maybe the reasons why it seemed like the values we agreed on in our vows were different was because we didn't view them in the same way.

A more fundamental paradox has to do with negative self image. She never thought she was good looking no matter what I or anyone else told her, she always thought it was from ulterior motives like guys were horny or I was biased, nothing could convince her otherwise that she was right. I never thought I was good looking either, but I was willing to accpet her opinion that I was since I figured it more important that she thought so and I could admit that I was wrong and her opinion counted more than mine.

I'm not sure if that has to do with 1st and 2nd person perspectives since the only opinion that mattered to her was hers and the opinion that mattered more to me was hers. The thing is now that she's obviously changed her opinion of me, what does that say? Her opinion of herself is still consistent, but was mine wrong before and now right that I shouldn't have depended on her opinion?

The other thing is that by her holding onto a negative opinion of herself no matter what does that make her only accept losing Life Scripts? Does being able to consider I was wrong about my negative opinion mean I'm able to change a winning one and a more positive self image? Now that she changed her opinion (or was lying about it the whole time) does that mean I was right all along about my negative opinion?

Those perspectives don't seem to lead anywhere by themselves so something must be missing from them. So they seem to be fractured perspectives that need to be balanced by including more from all three perspectives. I suppose the only way out of the paradox is to transcend and include the opinions from the 1st, 2nd and 3rd person perspectives to resolve them and get a satisfactory answer.



For example Bridget Jones thought that the values that Mark Darcy had were intolerable until she was in a prison in the Philipines and from what the girls there told of the treatment they recieved from their boyfriends, Bridget found that she was exagerating her problems