Avoiding the recursive loop in patterns of behavior

I’m wondering if there is a recursive loop in a pattern of behavior starting in a different form. I burnt my arm from boiling water with spaghetti with some second degree burns and I got some déjà vu all over again since it reminded me of the burn I got from scalding hot spaghetti about this same time last year.

The more I thought about it, the signs seem to be pointing to a repeated pattern since I was feeling pretty good from January to April last year with the potential of the job at MP3D making my prospects look up then around the time I got that burn it seemed to send me into a downward spiral of suicidal depression in May that I didn’t pull out of until last November.

This year I had the lot less of the potential of the Affirmations DVD but it still was a sign that things were looking up and I got the burn again so I’m thinking that I better take some steps to avoid that downward spiral from happening again since I certainly do not want to go through that hellish nightmare this year.




I also had that idea for the treasure hunt DVD last year at this time but since I had too much pain from the headaches and no energy to put into trying to work out the creative details I put it off until I could troubleshoot the problems and find some solutions.

The Integral Troubleshooting I did last July did seem to work out since I am in much better shape this year and have better methods to make more progress and focus on achieving my goals that have been clarified from the confusion of alternatives I had last year.




I am making a lot more progress on the creative details of the treasure hunt DVD that I think I'll call "The Hunt for the Chakra Jewels" and I have a lot of the story to go with the challenge of gathering the items for the prizes.

I can tie in some of the background of "The Writer’s Nightmare" but it has to be adapted to fit in with the quest in the DVD so it needs some fresh goals. If it was something like preventing them from gathering objects to dominate the world. Then I need reasons that the chakras and the tarot fit together with the plot of the Illuminati plan of domination and why the jewels were hidden the way they were. I could have the jewels form a dimensional gateway and time portal when put together since they have the piezoelectric effect of photonic crystals that emit Čerenkov radiation. That would be why the Illuminati are after them since they would want access to the means of traveling with them.

Because the charkas represent energy the Illuminati would covet that energy to fuel their takeover bid and the clues to harnessing that energy could be hidden in the Tarot cards. Those clues could lead to the locations of the keys that unlock the secrets of where the jewels are to give them the power they crave.

It makes a good sequel to "The Writer’s Nightmare since the Illuminati failed to get the gyrotwister so they found another way to get access to the Omniverse and all the other dimensions in order to carry out their plans to immanentize the eschaton and achieve total domination from it.



So maybe I'm getting better at recognizing the signs of the recursive loop since last time it took me 3 times to see the pattern of worldlines repeating when I had that dream before I went to Toronto and then I only remembered scattered fragments that took a long time to put together to figure out what they meant. But still having to go to the extreme of the pain of getting my armed burned to grab my attention enough to show a pattern is still too much to get me to see the significance so I better keep practicing so I can figure out the patterns more quickly with less damage.

Gathering practices for the video game

To start on gathering the practices I need for the video game I should go into the need for state training and stage training. The practices that help becoming fully aware during waking, dreaming, deep sleep and witnessing like meditation, yoga, lucid dreaming, and astral travel aided by methods like self-hypnosis tapes, subliminal persuasion, float tanks and psychedelic drugs to access the wide range of alternative states of consciousness.

Also practices for stage training like taking on more perspectives like role playing from different characters in each situation and practicing different relative measurements of supposed constants. Like seeing the how the sun sets on different sides from the West Coast over the ocean and from the East Coast over the land. How different cultures experience sexual morality differently, how even gravity is different with different masses, like 1/6 of the moon compared to the earth and 2 times more on Jupiter than the earth. Or even time is relative depending on the speed of the reference frame of the person observing it, like it takes a second and a half to send signals to the moon and it takes years, decades or millennia for the light of the stars to reach earth so the things we see happening took place far in the past.




Part of the role playing could be like taking the perspective you have now and comparing that to what you had at a different point in your life. What you would say to yourself at another time in the past to help with their situation or what you ask of yourself in the future to help with your situation now. It definitely depends a lot on the amount of knowledge, awareness and wisdom available to the person and the perspective they have at the point in time that they are, since it is gained over the course of a life then presumably the farther in the future the more you gain. So if you could go back and impart more to yourself you would have an advantage of having more knowledge and more time to use it.

Some more good practices to help with broadening the range of perspectives you can take is the ones in Robert Anton Wilson’s books “The New Inquisition, Quantum Psychology” and the DVD “Maybe Logic” about different reality tunnels and getting over the either/or duality and insisting on one static view of reality.




I just have to take those kind of practices and turn them into graphic illustrations and game type scenarios to make them come more alive and have greater impact on the people that play the game so they can absorb them more easily to live them as part of their experience.

I like the idea of recurring quests that different characters can try to fulfill and depending on the personality type, stage they are at and what part of the 4 quadrants they are try to do the quest from they could be tailored for that and be different for each part of the quest and they would have experience the quest from more than one stage, quadrant and type to be able to complete it and that would help broaden their perspective. I could also include situations that cover different aspects of the amounts of depth and span to help determine ethical decisions to find the correct path through the quests.

Affirmations beginning to pay off

I uploaded some of the affirmations I was using to YouTube as an example of what animation I put behind them and the text flashing to mimic the subliminal persuasion tapes I used to have.



Then someone named SimoneGervais commented on the video saying "I love love this vidieo it is so creative" and also "I Love your vidieo I will listen to it every day thank you for posting it thanks" which I thought was nice of them and it was gratifying to know that some of my work was appreciated.



Since there seemed to be a demand for that kind of thing, I made anonther one and uploaded it to YouTube. Then I figured since I used a DVD to watch them that it would be a good idea to be able to sell them to others so I sent a message to SimoneGervais telling her "I have found it very helpful to put them on a full length DVD to play so that way the vocal sound of repeating the phrases add with the text of them flashing once a second goes to both the conscious and the subconscious mind at the same time. Then being able to have the animation play behind that keeps other parts of the mind interested visually so that the affirmations can be absorbed more easily.

If you wanted I could make the full length DVD available to you so that you could see all the other animation that I've done to go with the affirmations since it is much to long to just upload." She seemed agree with that idea since she replied, " I would like somthing to help me I am willing to buy the dvd from you just tell me a link I can go by and I would love to purches one" and was pretty enthusiastic about it also saying, "thank you for responding to my message I would I did love the newest vidieo I am saying these things every day trying to get them inside my spirit and I would love a vidieo"

Since I had already done most of the animation for the DVD I was using myself it was easier to finish it up with a more professional DVD menu, cover and disc design.



I told her "I will mail them the DVD master copy on Monday but still takes them at least a week to process it before it is ready so I will send you to link when it is available to buy. It is my pleasure to be able to help and I appreciate it very much that you enjoy what I've put into expressing my art."

It is a good thing that they worked out the bugs in the system and I had gotten used to what the precautions were in making a DVD for them since it took almost 3 months for me to get all the problems with customer service for the Writer's Nightmare to become available for sale on DVD but this one went like clockwork through the mail and production in just a few days. I was impressed that I got the proof copy exactly a week after I mailed it to them and I fulfilled the promise I made to SimoneGervais about when I could provide the DVD to her. It does follow the affirmation I put on the DVD of "I keep my commitments to myself and others" so that seems to be helping with the follow through.I had some more trouble than that to get it to show up on Amazon but it finally straightened itself out, so now it has a wide range of distribution.



I made a commercial to promote the DVD and Uploaded it to YouTube to try and generate more interest in it. Hopefully there will be more of a demand for it than just SimoneGervais and also the DVD can get better word of mouth advertising since she can tell her friends about it and write a good review about it on Amazon. It might get better marketing for my other DVD as well. Every bit helps get the ball rolling.



Like I put in the description of the DVD As with the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy, if you think something is going to happen then you go about finding ways to make it happen, although this is usually applied to self-destructive behavior it also is true for changing to a positive attitude and having that affect your behavior to make more choices and look for opportunities that lead to positive outcomes. It is helping with my focus and confidence to get things done. The thing that a lot of people misunderstand about affirmations is like what I put in the article on Current TV When someone says something is impossible for them to accomplish then they are correct since they will never even TRY to do it because that negative attitude stops them before they can even imagine a solution or put any effort into trying to find a method to make it work.

That is what affirmations are for to get past that first stumbling block by cancelling out the what holds you back in trying and enforces your limitations.

But it is only the start since all the positive attitudes in the world won't be effective if you don't also put the imagination into action.

I have found that to be true in my own experience and have tried to correct it by letting go of the limits that hold me back from attempting to find solutions.



Selling 3 copies in a week of the DVD being available for sale is twice as good as I expected either SimoneGervais bought all 3 to give some as gifts, she got some friends to buy the other or the advertising I've been doing for it has been working and other people have seen it. Any of those reasons are good news to generate more demand to be able to sell more of them. It does follow the affirmation I put on the DVD "My life becomes a series of successes" so it helps a lot to get feedback and evidence that shows they are working because it re-enforces the belief and gives confidence that you're on the right track to continue. It gives more weigh to the affirmation I put on the DVD "I have the self-discipline to continue the effort." to have some evidence that the affirmations are paying off in a tangible way.

Especially since SimoneGervais did what she said she was going to do and bought the DVD when I waited a year for MarsDarinder to buy The Writer's Nightmare DVD and he never did. His excuse of not having any money to get it wasn't very good since you would think that you could find $25 to spare during a whole year.

So this does give me some substantial proof that the affirmations help to get my life back on a path that will accomplish my goals.

Progress choosing between alternatives

It is another Valentine’s Day that I’ve spent by myself but I’m more used to it than last year when I was in a downward spiral, it is also what would’ve been our sixth wedding anniversary but we didn’t make it that far. The nasal sprays the doctor gave me have helped with my mold allergies also the yoga techiques for headaches. While the affirmations have helped to counter the negative attitudes that I was sabotaging myself with.

Now that I have recovered enough to be able to make some of the choices of where my life is going I’ve made some progress on determining which of the 3 alternatives is worth the most to try for.




That brings me to the point of it does make a lot more sense to move onto the next phase since the alternative of just doing nothing is way too boring because there aren’t enough things to distract myself with to take up all of the time.

Having something to strive for like the treasure hunt DVD, the video game and movie illustrating the Integral Life Practice and going through those practices myself makes a lot more sense at this point.

I wasn’t able to get much help in getting an objective perspective from a therapist since the Butte County office had their funding cut and only had group therapy 1 day a week. Trying to get a different interpretation of the symbolism that I wanted with all the distractions and dilutions of other people in the group’s problems wasn’t worth the effort or all the time it would take.




What did help me make a decision was that I sent Krys a birthday card with a YouTube video attached to it of the Michael Jackson song Remember the Time. Krys sent me a reply with a Xena video that had the Dido song Hunter in it. Those 2 videos were a pretty clear example of symbolism that typified the different perspectives and stages of development that we were at and there hadn’t been any change in the past year.

Remember the Time is a song from the second person perspective that uses “we” 20 times and “us” 2 times in the lyrics. While Hunter is from the first person perspective and uses “I” 9 times and “me” 6 times in the lyrics so one is about sharing a possible relationship and the other is about seeking to untangle for a life of solitude.

With those fundamental differences it seems most likely that even if I did follow the symbolism in the Soulmates in Peril video that we would still have the same problems no matter where we lived so it wouldn’t be worth the effort since the Essential Ingredient wasn’t there.




So that pretty much answers the question I was trying to figure out about whether the odds of trying to recapture the Essential Ingredient that had once been established were better than the odds of starting fresh and getting the Essential Ingredient with someone that had never had it before. It seems that it would be easier to form a stronger new bond than repair one that had been broken.

That brings up the part about the law of attraction since like attracts like there has been a similarity in the kinds of gals that have been expressed an interest in me that is the myth of the hero in shining armor that needed to rescue them.

Even though that is an aspect of my character, maybe by connecting with gals at that level it sets up problems with trying to move beyond it to other stages that includes more aspects of my whole personality.

So then the question becomes is that the only type of gal that would be attracted to me are the ones with problems they need to be rescued from and all the baggage that goes with it? Or can I learn to grow out of that pattern of behavior to be able to attract gals at other stages that have more stable personalities?




Would those type of gals be interested in me and would they think it was worth the Essential Ingredient? If I was able to illustrate the concepts of the Integral Life Practice to be easily grasped and go the practices with them to have a solid foundation so that they would understand what was involved then they would be more likely to be attracted enough to build a strong bond that included the Essential Ingredient.

At least that is more progress in figuring out ways to bring the Impossible Dream that I was contemplating last year into the realm of the possible if the correct methods were used. That only makes it a matter of the odds of if I had enough skill and resources to be able to make those methods work. Which makes a substantial improvement since even though the odds at still high against it they are greatly reduced since there are feasible plans that make them at least workable.

Assisting Events to allow Life to imitate Art

I did have some more thoughts about how to get across the 4 quadrant presentation of the Naked Angel. I could do a movie about it and call it something along the lines of “Achieving Communion” and have it be sort of like a “My Fair Lady” story of an actress that gets hired to be the spoke person and narrator of the Naked Angel presentation and for demonstrating the practices in the video game. There are better odds for Life imitating Art in it because of the feedback of the movie being a docudrama with a lot of the script focusing on the journey of transformation the actress undergoes from the experience of demonstrating the practices for the video game.

There are a lot deeper issues since the theme of transformation in the story of “My Fair Lady” is an archetypal myth going back to the Greeks with Pygmalion and Galatea so it is firmly embedded in the collective unconscious that makes the odds very good that the the movie would appeal to a wide audience.

The movie could be shot on location at Esalen in Big Sur to lend more credibility and show some of the workshops used to learn the practices that illustrate how to follow the path.

I could have some scenes of going before the investors and venture capitalists and to get the money to produce the video game and the movie also. Then it would be a journey of the actress to learn the script and film the practices while following the path of development and growing in her awareness. That way she can use the motivation of money, fame and doing a job to get her into the practice and develop some other motivations for continuing when she grows through the stages.




Guru Yoga could be used to provide better motivations for evolving through the stages after the money and the fame then it could be by identifying with the role she is playing since it mirrors the experiences she experiences going through the practices she is demonstrating for the video game, then recognizing spirit in each other and coming to terms with what that entails.

One of the practices to show how to expand into more perspectives and how the true self is connected and anchored in I Amness is to show the Gamemaster’s Complex playing the Akashic Records as videos on the monitor screens. I could have the actress pick different points in her life to go back to and give the support and advice that she thought was most needed at that time to her younger self and have a future self come back to her to give the answers they thought she most needed.

I could do a composite of the actress playing the younger part then the older on the same shot so she could experience it from each side first as the younger getting what she needed then as the older giving the support needed and also watching the scene of both of them afterwards.

That way she could experience the process from the first, second and third person perspectives and see how they are all connected and how the self evolves through stages as everyone grows through experience.




Another of the examples to illustrate Integral Life Practice I could use is a representation of the story of how to gain wisdom. “After a long hard climb up the mountain, the spiritual seekers finally found themselves in front of the great teacher. Bowing deeply, they asked the question that had been burning inside them for so long ‘How do we become wise?’

There was a long pause until the teacher emerged from his meditation. Finally the reply came ‘Good choices’
‘But teacher how do we make good choices?’
‘From experience’ responded the wise one.
‘An how do we get experience?’
‘Bad choices’

I could have some scenes with the actress and some of the other seekers showing the different choices they made to overcome the obstacles in getting up the mountain and the different motivations they had for getting to the top.